Breakfast Serenades and Thrown Food
by oliversangel
Summary: UPDATE!In which Sirius snorts and is increasingly hyper, James serenades Lily, and Remus rolls his eyes excessively, Boogie Dumbledore makes an appearance, Rubber duckies are stolen, and Sirius has a love affair with.....hah read & find out!
1. Of Breakfast Serenades and Dyed Hair

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, really. I mean why is it called **fanfiction** ….duh….twas written by the genius herself, jkr

Dedication: this chapter is the first of many, this first one dedicated to Julia, because….I dunno…..she's a great friend (and she owes me her life lol)

* * *

A pillow smashed into the side of James' head.

_GO AWAY SIRIUS_

This time, twas a grapefruit that hit James' head

James groaned, flipped over, and pulled his pillow over his head

_oOoOoOoOo James……Lily wants a word…..she's waiting outside the door for you….._

**WHAT…where**!

Sirius snorted. _You're a hopeless case, mate. That girl's got you wrapped around her finger and she doesn't even know it. You should tell her mate. Maybe this time she'll believe you. _

This time it was not Sirius who snorted, but Remus.

_Lily has common sense, Padfoot. Our dear Prongs however does not. Do the math_

_AWWWWWWWWW Remmie's being **mean** Prongs!_

_Shut up you gits….Lily likes me…..she just….doesn't know it yet?..._

Remus' face saddened slightly. He knew it would happen soon. It had to…..it had been six years since James had started asking her out……a girl's resolve can't keep it up much longer…….or so he figured

* * *

Half an hour later at breakfast in the Great Hall……..

**JAMES HAROLD POTTER!**

_Yes Lily? _James said rather meekly

**WHAT THE _HELL_ HAVE YOU DONE TO MY HAIR!**

_Ummm………dyed it?_

**JAMES POTTER I WILL _KILL YOU _IF IT IS THE _LAST THING_ I DO**

The whole hall turned to look at Lillian Margaret Evans. Her hair was now a shocking neon green color, not only that but it _glowed_

Sirius snorted into his oatmeal. _You did that Prongs?_

James nodded rather sheepishly. _It was three weeks ago though Siri. I forgot…..honestly_

_Well mate that was a smart move_

At this said Lillian Margaret Evans proceeded to bombard Jameswith flying bits of toast thatshe was levitating from the surrounding plates

_HEY_ James Potter shouted. This was the second time that morning that he had been hit with food. One of the bits of toast quite unfortunately for James had sunny side up eggs upon them and the yellow yolk was now oozing down James' forehead, ruining his _just off a broomstick_ hair and made it temporarily obey its owner. Lily was delighted.

She skipped down the Gryffindor table and out of the Great Hall, leaving an unhappy James, a wheezing Sirius and a snorting Remus. _Lovely show mate _said Remus and he returned to his bacon and eggs. Sirius was now banging the table wheezing out his laughter as all of Gryffindor looked for the reason their plates were bouncing in the air.

_O _:wheeze:_ MY _:wheeze:_ GOD _:wheeze: _JAMES_ :wheeze:_ THAT _:wheeze:_ WAS _:wheeze: _BRILLIANT!_ Sirius managed between gasps of air as he fought to breathe, fought for release against the laughter that was pouring out over the Great Hall.

The eyes of all the girls in the hall were riveted to Sirius, he looked gorgeous even though he was almost having a seizure from the lack of oxygen in his brain. _DO YOU NEED CPR SIRI-POO?_ Inquired a sickeningly sweet voice of a hufflepuff girl that was the president of the **I SOLEMNLY SWEAR THAT I SHALL LOVE SIRIUS ORION BLACK** **AND SHALL TRY TO SNOG HIM WHENEVER POSSIBLE **fanclub, ISSTISLSOBASTTSHWP for short.

Sirius glanced up between fits of laughter. _S'alright mate_ then snorted once again into his toast. Remus just rolled his eyes. Sirius noticed this.

_O SO YA WANNA FIGHT MOONY HUH HUH HUH YOU GOIN DOWN!_ Said a slightly hyper Sirius. Sirius got up, took several steps back and took a running leap towards Remus.

_AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH_!

They bowled over and over and over and right out into the entrance hall where a crowd gathered to watch the spectacle. James just rolled his eyes and them and continued to eat is blueberry muffin **(A/N: I LOVE MUFFINS!)**.

* * *

The next morning at breakfast……..

James walked in wearing a black button down shirt and dark jeans. He was oddly carrying a guitar. _O God _thought Remus. _This can't be good/ O my GOD what was James thinking. Please don't let Lilly kill him yet, he still hasn't taught me how to transfigure an apple into a pig yet!_

James climbed up onto the Gryffindor table, some people where not so happy about this, he had stepped in the jam on his way up. He walked down the table until he reached Lilly. He dropped to his knees (well tried too… he ended up with his knee in her waffles) and grinned confidently at a shocked Lily.

_DON'T YOU DARE EMBARRASS ME POTTER_ she hissed at him.

This he ignored and started strumming as the whole student population stared up at him expectantly.

_O GOD_ Sirius thought_ JAMES POTTER IS GOING TO MAKE AN ASS OUT OF HIMSELF RIGHT ABOUT NOW WHILE SERENADING LILLY EVANS WITH HIS KNEE IN HER WAFFLES (oOoOoOoOo those waffles look good…..)_

He (to everyone's great misfortune) started to sing

**We were standing all alone you were leaning in to speak to me **(Lily snorted at this…as IF)**  
Acting like a party girl dancing to the Weird Sisters then you kissed me **(Lily snorted yet again)**  
And I think about it all the time  
Sweet temptation rush all over me  
And I think about it all the time  
Passion desire so intense I can't take anymore because**

**I feel the magic all around you  
It's brining me to my knees  
Like a wannabe  
I've got to be chained to you **at this Lily glared at him in disgust

**And when you looked into my eyes felt a sudden sense of urgency  
Fascination casts a spell and you became more than just a mystery  
And I think about you all the time  
Is this fate is it my destiny  
That I think about you all the time  
I no longer pretend to have my hand on the wheel because**

**I feel the magic all around you  
It's brining me to my knees  
Like a wannabe  
I've got to be chained to you  
I feel the magic building around you**

**I feel the magic all around you  
It's brining me to my knees  
Like a wannabe  
I've got to be chained to you **

Lily at this point had buried her head in her hands and tried to sink as low into her seat as humanly possible while shooting death looks and Sirius and Remus as if this were their fault. James, who was blind to all this and blushing to the roots of his hair decided there was no going back and proceeded:

**And I think about it all the time  
And I think about it all the time  
Tell me it's madness I barely know you**

**We were standing all alone you were leaning in to speak to me  
Ten steps back you're still a mystery  
Acting like a party girl dancing to the Weird Sisters then you kissed me  
I can't take anymore because**

**I feel the magic all around you  
It's brining me to my knees  
Like a wannabe  
I've got to be chained to you**

**I feel the magic building around you**

**I feel the magic all around you  
It's brining me to my knees **_O I'll bring you too your knees all right…which hex should I use on him this time……._thought Lily as she desperately sank in her robes so no ne would notice who's waffles James' knee was stuck in.**  
Like a wannabe  
I've got to be chained to you**

**Tell me it's madness  
I barely know you**

James looked pleadingly at Lily and she glared at him.

_Soooooooo will you go out with me Lils?..._

**_NOOOOOOOO….AFTER YOU HUMILIATE ME IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HALL AND RUIN MY BREAKFAST BY PUTTING YOUR KNEE THROUGH IT_**!

Sirius once again snorted and James' eyes dropped down to his jeans. _O my GOD I RUINED MY JEANS_

_EW GET AWAY FROM ME POTTER_

……Lily?...

WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT THIS TIME POTTER

………will you go out with me?...

**_NOOOOOO POTTER FOR THE 959th TIME! NOOOOOOOO_**

…..has it really been 959 times? O my GOD Lily counted YAY! She counted! SHE CARES!

_**EWWWWWW GET AWAY FROM ME FOR THE LAST TIME…….I'LL HEX YOU I SWEAR I WILL**_

James was elated the rest of the day.

She cares enough to count how many times I've asked her out Moony! LILY EVANS CARES!

_DO NOT POTTER_

DO TOO

_DO NOT_

DO TOO

_DO NOT_

DO TOO

Remus rolled his eyes….this would take a while……

_DO NOT_

DO TOO

_DO NOT_

DO TOO

_ARGH IM SICK OF YOU POTTER! GET OUT OF MY SIGHT_

She stormed away leaving James Potter with a happy smile……SHE CARES ENOUGH TO YELL AT ME AGAIN…..YAY!

Remus Lupin rolled his eyes yet again.

_Are you done yet Prongs?_

Yea Moony

_Good cuz you still have to teach me to transfigure an apple into a pig…..

* * *

_

_To be continued………._

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	2. Of Baked Cakes and In Shower Singing

Disclaimer: I.dont.own.harry.potter. wish I did but sadly no (lol…….. 3 danrad in GoF!)

Dedication: Ems911…..many thanks (why isn't it MUCH thanks….._HONESTLY_) to my first reviewer on this story 3 and to The Future Mrs. Grint, who FINALLY reviewed 3

HOORAY for jp/le shippers!

* * *

James for some odd _insane_ reason was up bright and early on Monday morning. Even Moony wasn't up yet and THAT was saying something. He pounced on Sirius' bed.

_ooooooooOooooooooo SIRIUS! Wakey wakey up and shakey!_

Sirius cracked one eye. _Shakey? HONESTLY James. Be a tiny bit more imaginative than that. _With that said he rolled over and snored once more. James shook his head knowing fully well that Sirius had gone back to sleep.

He turned to Remus' bed. His hangings were drawn and light snores emanated from within, a pair of feet stuck out haphazardly at one end. James flung the curtains open. No response from the sandy blonde head that was showing over the coverlet. James did the stupid thing. He poked _the body_.

_OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMYYYYYYGGGODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD_ yelled the poked body, which now stood up on his bed brandishing Sirius' beater bat.

James did the smart thing: he turned and ran for his life. SIRIUS HELP MEEE SIRIUS! REMUS IS GOING TO KILLLL MEE!

Remus was not terribly pleased to be poked this early in the morning and chased him around the dorm and down the boys stairs, where a bunch of first years looked so scared of Remus and James would have laughed if Remus had not hit him in the head with the bat, depriving him of speech.

Lily Evans (unfortunately for James) had been sitting hidden in a squishy chair by the fire had seen the whole thing. It was not every day that you saw James Potter's ass being kicked by one of his best friends, both of them in plaid pajamas. Lily was presently rolling around upon the room of the common room. James was ashamedly defeated and he followed Remus back up the boys' stairs to change into their robes.

* * *

Half an hour later…

James was humming in the shower, to the dismay of his dormmates. It got even worse: he burst into song.

**There's a certain girl I've been in love with a long, long time.  
(What's her name?) I can't tell you. (No!)  
I can't reveal her name until I've got her.  
(What's her name?) I can't tell you. (No!)  
Well, I've tried to get her time and time again.  
We just end up as nothing but friends.  
And there's a certain girl I've been in love with a long, long time.  
(What's her name?) I can't tell you. (No!)**

James had now taken a brush from the counter and was singing heartily into it. Back in the dorm, Sirius finally got up and groaned. _O GOD JAMES IS SINGING AGAIN MAKEEE IT STOOPPPP MOONY_

_James! Don't make me come in here with the bat again! JAMESSSSSSSSSS_

**Well, there's a certain chick I've been sweet on since I met her.  
(What's her name?) I can't tell you. (No!)  
I can't repeat her name until I get her.  
(What's her name?) I can't tell you. (No!)  
Well one day, I'm gonna wake up and say,  
"I'll do anything just to be your slave."  
And there's a certain girl I've been in love with a long, long time.  
(What's her name?) I can't tell you. (No!)**

**Well, I've tried to get her time and time again.  
We just end up as nothing but friends.  
And there's a certain girl I've been in love with a long, long time.  
(What's her name?) I can't tell you. (No!)**

Even Peter, who usually thought everything James did or said was way cool or the law, had flipped over and groaned into his pillow.

**There's a certain chick I've been sweet on since I found her.  
(What's her name?) I can't tell you. (No!)  
I can't reveal her name until I get her.  
(What's her name?) I can't tell you. (No!)  
Well now one day, get her time and time again.  
We just end up as nothing but friends.  
And there's a certain girl I've been in love with a long, long time.  
(What's her name?) I can't tell you. (No!)**

**I can't tell you. (No!)  
I can't tell you. (No!)  
I can't tell you.**

James, while in the shower, had a brilliant idea. _I should bake Lily a cake!_ He hopped enthusiastically from foot to foot. Sirius banged on the door _We already know you love Lily James you don't have to proclaim it loudly in the shower. God James you're a HORRIBLE singer. Get out of the damned shower! DON'T MAKe ME SEND REMUS IN THERE WITH MY BAT AGAIN!_

At that James shut his mouth because there was no way he was going to be chased down the stairs again with Lily still in the common room.

That time James crept down to the kitchens with his invisibility cloak and the Marauders Map. He came to the painting of the fruit bowl and tickled the green pear, which giggled and turned into a large doorknob. James grabbed hold of it and yanked it open, to be greeted by a slightly hyper house elf.

_Hello Mr. Potter Sir! How is sir today? Would sir like some food delivered to Gryffindor tower sir? A mug of hot cocoa? A twelve-pack of butterbeer? Anything for Sir!_

_No, I would like to bake a cake. By myself. No help. Chocolate cake. What girl doesn't like chocolate cake? I'll need some flour and eggs, and milk, and sugar- lots of sugar!_

The house elves cleared the way, leaving James a large countertop and _THE OVEN_. The sacred oven of the kitchen that cooked of the food for Hogwarts. It was a VERY sacred oven.

James worked for two hours and stuck it in the oven. Then waited until it was baked, absorbed in _Pranking the Pranskter, _the book Sirius had lent him last week.

**DING** went the apple shaped timer and the house elves gathered round THE OVEN.

A rather flat looking cake emerged from the oven.

_DAMMIT FORGOT TO ADD THE YEAST_

OOPS

_Well….I suppose if Lily really cares then she'll appreciate the thought….._

This time even the house elves snorted but James didn't notice.

* * *

The next morning at breakfast……

_OOOOO LILYKINS!_

_I HAVE BAKED YOU A CAKE!_

In came James Harold Potter, wearing a chef's hat and an apron (Kiss the chef, he's a Gryffindor!)

Remus' eyes widened

_O………………..………….MY……………..…………..GOD_

Since James seemingly did not feel embarrassed of the picture he was presenting, Remus felt embarrassed for him.

James sauntered….yes _sauntered_…..up the aisle between the Gryffindor and Hufflepuff tables to Lily's seat

_I, yes me myself and I, have baked you, Lillian Margaret Evans a CAKE!_

Lily had sunk as low in her chair as she could go, the student population was practically breaking their necks to see how she would react. Lily was as red as her hair and her self esteem and taken a nose drive.

The CAKE was set upon the table in front of Lily and she stared quite disbelievingly, twas a sore sight. It was a flat rocky mass of something that looked vaguely like chocolate.

She grimaced. _Umm Potter? What is that thing that is now sitting in front of me because you placed it there?and…..why the hell are you wearing a chef's Hat……DID YOU STEAL IT POTTER! You BETTER NOT HAVE STOLEN THAT HAT FROM THE HOUSE ELVES POTTER! CAN YOU SAY **ELVEN RIGHTS!**_

James sighed. This was definitely not going according to THE PLAN.

_No Lily, I did not………. Steal…….. the hat. I…….borrowed it. I did ask! HONESTLY! Anyways….Let me, James Harold Potter, redirect your attention to THE CAKE! Whaddaya think?_

_Ummm…….is it even **edible**? _

_Erm...OF COURSE! Here I'll try some for you!_

James grabbed the cake and took a large bite of it.

Remus shuddered. _Yet another stupid thing he's done in the past two days._

James was not looking so good. His eyes widened and his face had taken a greenish tint.

_Remus?_

_Yes Prongs?_

_I think I just poisoned myself._

Lily snorted

James bolted from the hall, The CAKE forgotten in front of Lily, who was terribly confused, which did not happen often

Sirius stood.

_O MY GOD LILY you made James poison himself! He baked that cake for you. He tasted it just so you would like it. He SERENADED you yesterday. What is WRONG with you? Just SAY YOU"LL GO OUT WITH HIM and he won't embarrass you all the time. I'm doing this for your own good._

The collective student body applauded this speech and Lily looked rather ashamed.

Sirius left the hall, sprinting after his friend, all eyes following his progress out of the hall.

When he had gone, gossip abounded, Lillian was ashamed, and Remus went back to eating his toast (with marmalade of course)

* * *

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ps: keep reading I have something big planned a couple chapters in for Chirstmas


	3. Of Biting Teapots and Conjured Catapllrs

Disclaimer: don't own it get over it

Dedication: SunsetOfForever14 and The Future Mrs. Grint…….thanks for reviewing I heart you guys!

* * *

James Potter was late.

Terribly late.

Extremely late.

_DAMMITDAMMITDAMMITDAMMIT forgot my potions book_

He rushed back up to the dorm. Looked about. No potions book. _ARGHHHHH_ _what as become of my potions book!_ Still no potions book.

He rushed back down the boy's stairs and to the dungeons

_Today, we shall be making the Draught of Impermanent Sleep. Made incorrectly, this potion will cause the drinker to fall into an irreversible coma, however if made correctly, the drinker's pulse will stop for a half hour. However, the drinker will not die. The potion causes the drinker to reawaken, pulse will start, breathing will commence, not side affects. Instructions are on the board, ingredients in the cupboard, partner with the person sitting next to you._

James caught the last of this speech and immediately sat next to a very unhappy Lily Evans.

_Evans! What a wonderful surprise!_

_Lucky me……._

_What was that Evans?_

_Nothing nothing. Get the ingredients. Now Potter. Stop staring at me! Potter? POTTER! LISTEN TO ME POTTER! EUGH I CANT BELIEVE YOU! Go dammit before I FAIL this class!_

James shook his head. _What dearest Lily? Is there a task you wish me to perform? No task is too great for JAMES THE INVINCIBLE! JAMES THE SUPREME! JAMES THE AMAZING! SUPERJAMES! JAMES THE SPECTACULAR! JAMES THE SEXY! JAMES THE STAR CHASER! JAMES, KING OF THE COMMON ROOM AND SOVEREIGN OF THE GRYFFINDORS! JAMES THE…….._

_POTTER SHUT UP! You are NONE of those things._

_At least say I'm Sexy………….._

**I'm too sexy for my shirt too sexy for my shirt  
So sexy it hurts  
**

(Yeah Right Potter)

**  
I'm too sexy for my broom too sexy for my broom  
Too sexy for this room  
And I'm too sexy for my hat  
Too sexy for my hat what do you think about that  
**

(You're not wearing a hat Potter)

**  
I'm a quidditch player you know what I mean  
And I do my little turn on the pitch  
Yeah on the pitch on the pitch yeah  
I shake my little touche on the pitch  
**

**I'm too sexy for my owl too sexy for my owl  
Poor fussy poor fussy owl**

**  
I'm too sexy for my too sexy for my too sexy for my **

……Potions Book!

He finished with a flourish and gave a bow.

_Interesting display of……self confidence Mr Potter. Now please, get down from the desk and start your potion before I give you detention._

James hopped down from the desk and grabbed the ingredients.

_Right then Lillykins, I do believe we add the hellebore first? _

_DON'T call me LILYKINS_

……_..sorry Evans…….._

_Give me the HELLEBORE!_

_Okay okay okay relax woman don't get your knickers in a twist._

_Don't talk about MY KNICKERS in the middle of potions!_

_They're very cute you know, pretty and pink_

_POTTER! DON'T LOOK UP MY SKIRT!_

_I didn't! I guessed………_

_Ya right and I'm a raging hippogriff_

_Well, if you turn to the side a little and scrunch your face up really hard and I squint until I can't really see you sort of do…….._

_EUGH I HATE YOU POTTER!_

_Awwwwwwwwwwwwww that's so sweet I love you too Lillers_

_JUST GIVE ME THE HELLEBORE DAMMIT!_

_Alright alright here you go before you blow a blood vessel._

_Thank you FINALLY_

_You're very welcome dear Lilykins. I KNEW I could do it! Because I'm….. JAMES THE INVINCIBLE! JAMES THE SUPREME! JAMES THE_

_STOPPPPPPPPPPPP before I whack you with my potion's book_

……_.thats not very…..nice……_

_DUH

* * *

_

After class……..

_Don't we work well together Lillers!_

_NO_

_Will you go out with me Lillers?_

_NO!_

_Fine be that wayyy………_

_I will_

_FINE_

_FINE!_

_FINE_

_FINE!_

This time twas Remus Lupin that cut in. _Okay people lets act our age. Clear the way. You're blocking THE HALLWAY. Come on James we're late for transfiguration_

_YAY transfiguration! I LOVE transfiguration!_

_I know lets GO_

_Byebye my love!_

_Eugh never come back Potter_

_Don't worry I will Evans. After all….you have transfiguration too!_

Lily cast her eyes skywards.

_What did I do to deserve this?

* * *

_

Transfiguration………..

James was the only one who had his spider transfigured into a teapot. It was a very nice teapot. A rather nice teapot.

Remus' teapot was trying to run away with its' remaining legs. Sirius' wasn't much better. It was trying to bite Sirius' arm off. Lily was slightly better off, but her teapot was still covered in black spiky fur.

James' sat with his chair balanced on one leg, hands behind his head, eyes closed in relaxation. _Come on Remmie you can do it! Remember, patience, practice and pretense are the three things you need to transfigure this spider. Now think. YOU SHALL NOT RUN AWAY FROM ME, YON TEAPOT/SPIDER!_

_NOT HELPING PRONGS_

_Works for me_

_O stop showing off Prongs you just want to impress Lily._

………_Is she looking Moony?_

_NO PRONGS_

_Awwwwwwwww. And I made a girly teapot just for her. _This was true. This was a lovely teapot. A very pink teapot. No self respecting boy would transfigure a pink teapot. But James wasn't you average boy.

James conjured up a lily for his dear Lilykins

_Uh James?_

_Yes dear Lillers?_

_Why is there a caterpillar in the middle of this flower?_

_Erm…..bought it at the party store! Came with!_

Lily snorted. Remus rolled his eyes. Sirius yowled.

_DAMN YOU YOU STUPID TEAPOT!_

The teapot seemed to like biting Sirius. Charming.

Soon, class was thankfully over. _Come on you two idiots_, Remus said dragging James and Sirius, whose teapot looked like it was permanently attached by the fang to Sirius' butt.

_Enjoy your teapot Lily…….

* * *

_

Thanks to all……..wouldn't you like a biting teapot?

Remember:

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3 oliversangel

p.s.: Happy Christmahannukwanzakah!


	4. Of Remus' Love Life and Emotional James

Disclaimer- I do own: a teddy bear, a music box, a flashing clock (broken because I've thrown it at the wall to many times), a rabbit watch, multiple sweatshirts, clothes from (gasp) Aeropostale, 11 pairs of jeans, two pairs of sneakers, and a laptop.

I don't own: Sean Biggerstaff (as much as I'd like too), Daniel Radcliffe (can I have him for Christmas?), a working cd player, a good pair of headphones, and last but definitely not least: I don't own Harry freaking Potter (He is so damn hot)

Dedication: Hard one this time. Me thinks I dedicate this chap (because NO ONE reviewed last chap) to GinnytheWitch, because apparently, she likes my story…..love to ya!

* * *

Sirius Black was having a bad hair day.

Seriously (haha get it……SIRIUSLY! I know I am the lamest author on the planet)

Anyways. Sirius Black was definitely NOT happy.

The night before he had RUN OUT OF GEL (shock, horror, mortification) SO not cool.

Sirius panicked. And when Sirius panics, it's never good.

_James? JAMES! O MY GOD! JAMES! HELP ME! JAMES! REMUS! THAT GIRL IN THE COMMONS! HELP!_

James came running up the stairs. _WHO'S THERE PADFOOT? I'LL GETTEM! LEMME AT THEM! _James threw a series of hexes in the door before entering, wand at the ready and eyes ablaze, untucked shirt flapping behind him.

Sirius was in a sad state now. He had boils on his arms, two noses, a blue beard, and rapidly growing teeth. Sirius sighed. Today was NOT a good day. _VOU HAB TO HEX BE DIDN'T VOU?_ He said through his already waist length teeth.

…_.oops…….._

Suddenly there was a high pitched scream heard throughout Gryffindor tower.

_JAMES POTTER GET YOUR ARSE HERE THIS INSTANT!_

_That would be dear Lillers calling you sweetly Prongs. Have Fun! _Remus pushed him out the door and down the stairs.

An angry Lily stood in the commons, wheezing, sneezing and fuming. How she managed to do all three at once was beyond James.

_Potter. Come. Here. Now. _He stepped obediently forward. _Would you care to explain to me why there is a mountain of daises up in my dorm? Or WHY THERE IS AN ANGRY RASH FORMING ON MY ARMS?_

_Well Lilly…….umm the daises are for you and the rash…….well erm I didn't do it honest_

Lily sighed. _What. An. Idiot. I'm. Allergic. You'd think you would know that after years of stalking me. Geez Potter. Just go. GO. I don't want to see you_

_Butbutbut…..I thought it was romantic………_

_Yeah getting a rash all down my arms is REAL ROMANTIC Potter_

Eyes rolled all around the Commons and Lily chased James out of the Common Room and out the portrait hole.

_James…..JAMES come back you forgot your wand….James?

* * *

_

Fifteen minutes he came back with green skin and blue paint down his front. _I TOLD you to take your wand…..but NO. NOBODY listens to Moony anymore. Everyone goes on their very merry way and leaves dear old Moony to get straight E's by himself. _

_SHUT UP Moony stop moping. You know Remmie you need a girlfriend. I KNOW! I could find you one! There that girl in Hufflepuff that ADORES you practically WORSHIPS the ground you walk on_

_JAMES……._

_Nononononono…..you'd want a smart girl. I KNOW! That Ravenclaw babe that asked me out five minutes ago after Lillers finished throwing paint in my face!_

_Prong I don't want one of YOUR castoffs. _

_Nooooo………that won't do how bout…..wait…..why don't I just take you round and you tell me which girl you want and I ask her, she says yes, Remmie gets a girl, I feel special, and everyone's happy!_

James dragged Remus down the stairs to the Common Room. He grabbed the arm of the girl sitting near the fireplace. _Hello, my name is James Harold Potter, and this, you lucky duck you, is Remus Jonathan Lupin. Now you. What's your name?_

_Ummm…..Jen? _

_Jen! What year are you in?_

_Fifth….. _

_Not bad not bad eh Moony? _James elbowed him enthusiastically in the ribs. _She's not bad looking, blond, green eyes, nice figure, pretty hot eh Moony?_

_James I don't need you looking for a girlfriend for me in the Commons….._

But James was already off, smiling apologetically to the pretty blond and dragging him out the Common Room. _Not far the Ravenclaw Commons Moony, I know you like a smart girl…….._And off they were again until they stopped at a portrait of a man who looked at them down his long nose. _Knowledge is power_ said James absentmindedly as he pulled Remus through the portrait hole.

_JAMES!_ Remus hissed. _How do you know how to get into this Common Room?_

_O shut up Remmie. Right Then! Who wants to be Remmie's girlfriend!_

An ambush of girls quickly harassed them and after James had gotten them to form a line (it wasn't easy-_OMYGOD can I PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASE have a PIECE OF YOUR SHIRT? How bout a SOCK? TIE? PANTS? ANYTHING!)_

_Seeeeeeeeee……..toldya Remmie! There are girls worshipping the ground you walk on! Isn't this great!_

To his left Remus wasn't doing to well, some girl had already ripped off his tie and another had stolen a shoe (_THAT'S my BEST PAIR!)_

_Forget it Prongs _he said before taking an uneasy look around and making a dash for the exit

_DAMN! He got away………..next time I shall get him (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA)

* * *

_

Next day in History of Magic…….

_I'm bored_

_You're always bored Prongs. Either that or you're hungry._

Two seconds later…..

_Padfoot?_

_What do you want Prongs?_

_I'm hungry_

Sirius snorted. _So?_

_I'm HUNGRY! _He whined, so loudly that Lily Evans herself turned around.

_SHUT UP POTTER….Some of us are actually TRYING TO LEARN_

This was not saying much since most of the class was snoring and even Frank Longbottom, three desks up, had drawn some open eyes and taped them to hisown and was snoring lightly. _Right Evans……….._

_HONESTLY! YOU LITTLE JERK! I CAN'T BELIEVE I'VE PUT UP WITH YOU THIS LONG! YOU BIGHEADED PRAT! YOU SCEMING LITTLE WEASEL FACED BUFFOON!_

……_..I love you too?_

_EUGH SHUT UP POTTER_

………hey Evans?

_What_

…_..Will you go out with me?_

_Sure!_

……_REALLY!_

_**NO**_

_o………………kay_

_Hey Lils?_

_**WHAT!**_

_You know that girl you always sit with at lunch?_

_Who Alice?_

…_..That's her name?_

Lily Evans stops the conversation momentarily to bang her head on the table.

_What about Alice, Potter?_

_Erm….do you think she'd go out with Moony?_

_**PRONGS! WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT YOU ASKING PEOPLE OUT FOR ME**_

Lily turned back to her seat in disgust. _Boys…..HONESTLY

* * *

_

Lillian Margaret Evans was bored.

Very bored.

Extremely bored.

And currently sitting in the library.

_oOo Lily…….._

_What Potter?_

_Did you like your teapot?_

_What teapot?_

_The teapot I made you in Transfiguration!_

_Erm……….not really…………_

_**WHAT! I AM HIGHLY AFFRONTED **( Lily: Does he even know what that means?) **I MADE YOU A LOVELY TEAPOT! A BEAUTIFUL TEAPOT! A GIRLY TEAPOT! IT WAS PINK! HOW COULD YOU NOT LIKE IT!**_

…_...I don't like pink…..clashes with the hair ya know……._

_**I AM MORTALLY WOUNDED LILLERS! **_

And with that, he promptly burst into tears and ran out of the library. Well he tried to. He ran into a wall on his way out. (_DAMN!_)

Leaving a guilty looking Evans (once again) and a bewildered Madam Pince.

* * *

Soooo……what did ya think…..

Took me AGES to write this chapter. Christmas was stinky. Ah well…….. righto…..A POEM: ahem ahem

_Salt tears slide down my face_

_Mingling with the water_

_Streaming_

_From above_

_Old and new memories_

_Streaming_

_Down my cheek_

_With my sorrow_

_Dripping_

_With unending changes_

_In the patterns_

_Of the steam on the window_

_And the trail of water down the wall_

Lil depressing poem……o well…..I feel better now :-) (_btw **I hereby copyright the above poem cuz I made it up today...DONT STEAL IT!**_)

Why dontcha make me feel a little love and review hmmmmm……..I try to reply to each signed one

Toodles……….oliversangel…….till next time!


	5. Of Rubber Duckies and Honeydukes Best

Disclaimer: I don't own the hottest guy in the universe: Harry James Potter, nor do I own Oliver Wood (as much as I'd like to), nor do I own any of the other characters within this story. I think I should marry Daniel Radcliffe. He is way gorgeous and I feel terribly lonely you know.

Dedication: To all ya'll reviewers out there…..I LOVE YOU GUYS! So supportive and thanks for the suggestions. Really moves the story along.

**The Future Mrs. Grint: **Of course I used your idea. What kinda friend do you think I am? HONESTLY lol

* * *

Sirius was mad.

Very mad.

Totally steaming.

_WHO STOLE MY RUBBER DUCKIE!_

_I didn't! I swear I didn't! _James practically squeaked as Sirius backed him up against the wall threateningly.

_This is NOT COOL Man! _Sobbed Sirius as he suddenly broke down and wiped his nose on James' scarlet lined Hogwarts robes.

James patted Sirius awkwardly on the back. _S'okay mate. Breathe. Ew! Stop wiping your nose on my robes!_

Sirius stopped and stepped back, looking sheepish. _Sorry mate. Got a bit carried away there._

Then Sirius redirected his attention to his rubber duckie. _WHERE IS MY DUCKIEEEE!_

_Wait wait Siri! Which duckie! _(for Sirius Orion Black had quite a collection of rubber duckies)

_My FAVORITE DUCKIE! The one with the cute little golden snitch on his beak! It was yellow and about this big and with it tail all stuck in the air and tiny little feathers!_

He held his hands up demonstrating the size of his lost duckie.

_I SHALL FIND THE CULPRIT!_ Roared Sirius and dashed excitedly out of the dorm door and flew down the stairs, cloak billowing like a banner behind him. He stopped to peek around the corner into the Commons.

……………_Sirius?_

_Yes James?_

…………_..What are you doing?_

_Spying……DUH….like James Blond!_

……_..Don't you mean James **BOND**?_

Sirius brushed this off as a petty correction and turned back to face the Commons.

He rushed in and yelled

**_FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZEEEEEEEEE! YA'LL ARE UNDER ARREST FOR THE ABDUCTION OF MY RUBBER DUCKIE! PUT YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR LIKE YOU JUST DON'T CARE!_**

The first years screamed and hid behind a large scarlet sofa and cowered.

Everyone else jumped back and put their hands above their heads and slowly backed away as Sirius advanced menacingly among them.

The only person who did not act terrified was Lily Evans, who sat calmly and composedly in her squishy chair by the fire looking amusedly on at the proceedings.

_OKAY PEOPLE! WHO DID IT!_

When no one stepped forward he looked rather put down and his shoulders sagged dejectedly as he sank into a pile on the floor.

_MY DUCKIEEE! _He wailed, and Lily Evans had the grace to look moderately disturbed.

_DON"T WORRY PEOPLE! I WILL FIND MY DUCKIE! I WILL NOT REST UNTIL HE IS SAFE IN MY ARMS! OR FLOATING IN MY BATHTUB! OR BESIDE ME IN MY BED!_

……………_..Siri?_

_Yes James_

………_.you SLEEP WITH YOUR RUBBER DUCKIE!_

Sirius looked rather embarrassed at this revelation and hurried back up the stairs to the dorm. James shook his head and followed him back up.

Sirius was sitting on his bed, sniffing quietly into the hands that were covering his face.

_Its okay Padfoot. I'll help you find your Duckie!

* * *

_

The next day there were signs on every door on the castle. The Marauders trooped down to breakfast, with an eye-rolling Remus, a supportive James, and a disheartened Sirius, for no one had claimed to having seen his rubber duckie.

There was quite a spectacular sign on the left wall of the Great Hall, bearing the words "**MISSING: YELLOW RUBBER DUCKIE WITH GOLDEN SNITCH ON BEAK AND FLUFFY FEATHERS AND UP-STUCK TAIL AND ADORABLENESS"** with a picture of Sirius in a bubbly bathtub with his prized rubber duckie.

The girls were swooning over a picture of Sirius in his bathtub and Remus wrinkled his nose.

_You took a picture with your rubber duckie in the bathtub! Eewwwwwwwwwwww_

But Sirius did not hear him. He only had eyes for his rubber duckie. Which was currently sitting next to Lillian Margaret Evans. Who was currently eating her cereal.

_NO ONE MESSES WITH MY RUBBER DUCKIE! _Roared Sirius and charged and Lily, who looked coolly on, then smirked as Sirius hit the invisible barrier around Lily and the rubber duckie.

_YOU STOLE MY RUBBER DUCKIE! _

_Yes, I suppose I did_, replied Lily, not affected by Sirius' present state, which was of panic and disbelief and pure longing for his rubber duckie.

_GIMME MY DUCKIE! I DEMAND IT!_

_No……_ was all Lily said as she started again to eat her cereal (Lucky charms of course—hehe Jules)

_WHAT! _Sirius practically squeaked and he gaped at Lily for a second then felt the need to strangle her.

He made a wild lunge for his rubber duckie, bound was repelled by the barrier.

_THIS IS SO NOT COOL!_

_Not my problem Black._

_But why are you inflicting this horrible torture upon me? _HE said, rather pathetically.

She shrugged. _You put a smudge on my potions essay. _

Sirius looked rather guilty now. _Butbutbut…..I didn't mean it!_

_Then you should have stolen it_

_WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME!_

She tapped her chin in thought and sighed

_Hhhhmmm…..what would I want from Sirius Black………_

_I know I Know I know I know! _Sirius shouted rather excitedly as he bounded forward and whispered

_I can get you some Honeydukes Best Chocolate Lillers_

Lily's eyes widened. Her love of Honeydukes Chocolate was widely known. She stuck her hand out.

_Deal, Black._

He grinned. _I knew it! _He did a rather strange victory dance which included a couple high kicks and triple spins. James and Remus looked rather horrified at this display.

_Sirius! _James hissed _Marauders don't pirouette! _

……………_..Ooooopssss……………_

Lily snorted at this colorful display.

…………._Lils?_

_What Sirius?_

…_.CanImaybehavemyrubberduckieback?_

_What was that Sirius? _Lily said with an evil grin.

_Can….I….maybe….have….my…rubberduckie?_

_What was it you wanted back Sirius? _Evil smirk growing wider by the second, knowing perfectly well what Sirius wanted back.

……_.uuuuummmmmmm……..My rubber duckie?_

_Sure whatever… _said Lils, who went back to eating her cereal, releasing the charm on the rubber duckie, greatly anticipating the large bar of Honeydukes best that was in her very near future.

Sirius snatched up his rubber duckie and hugged it to his chest, planting kisses on its head and cooing softly to it.

_I never thought I'd see the day when Sirius Black snogged his rubber duckie. _Said Remus dazedly as he looked on at the truly _unmanly_ scene before him.

James shuddered. _I hope I never see that again_ he said, before fainting into Frank Longbottom's oatmeal (_HEY!_)

* * *

Divination class…….

Instead of desks today, there were fires, small fires were each table used to be, with mats for sitting around each one.

_Today, dear class, we will be reading tea smoke, so take a teapot and add tea leaves to water, stir and boil on the fires around the room. Pair up, two to each group, and interpret the smoke or the steam that you see. Get started, class._

Lily quickly paired with Amelia Bones, a smart blond Hufflepuff, and ushered her over to a table in the far corner of the room so James would not be hanging over her shoulder.

_Well class, what do you see?_

_I see my rubber duckie! _Shouted Sirius to the world.

_I see Lily, _admitted James as he looked down at the carpet.

Lily had a dreamy look on her face. _I see a large bar of Honeydukes Best Chocolate……_

Sure enough, Lily was seen that evening in front of the fire devouring a large bar of Honeydukes Best, with a happy expression on her face, reflecting the blissful joy within.

Sirius was seen a couple seats away snuggling under a blanket with his beautiful rubber duckie.

* * *

You likey? Took me forever to write up this chapter. I like how it turned out though. Thanks to The Future Mrs. Grint for her rubber duckie idea ;-)

Review review review……

Reviewing is cool so if you wanna be cool like me…..lol

REVIEW!

Lil button….isn't it cute? Down there….ya see it?

Yup that blue one….umhm……you catch on fast!

BE COOL-------REVIEW!


	6. Of Pink Care Bears and James' List

Disclaimer: I do not own the gorgeous Harry Potter. You know that sweater thing he wears in the maze I think it is? I want one! Lollers

Dedication:

**_Moony0350: _**thanks so much for the suggestions and for reviewing!

**_Devillish angel: _**one of my most faithful reviewers! Thanks for the suggestion and Remus' teddy bear will be in this chappie! I promise!

**_pAdfOOt'sLiLrOckchick_**: thanks for reviewing….I'm sorry if that no-quotations thing bothers you….I'm not sure if I should change it now since my whole story is written like that because I'm a really consistent kinda person

**_The Future Mrs. Grint_**: you have not reviewed yet. I am mad. Lol…..jk….but still……..review…..and gimme some suggestions!

**And of course to R: **Iwill never forgiveyou for breaking my heart:

I want to wake up

From this nightmare

And realize

That it's over

This hole you've ripped

In my heart

Is unhealed and weeps

For me and for you

Please believe

I don't have time to

Make my life worthless

While waiting for you

Make a choice

The choice is NOW

Love to y'all who read! May the force be with you! (O my GOD that was to lame….lol…..I love the movies though….i have like obsessive phases-I'm in my Harry Potter phase now…its been a long time now…….three years?-first twas star wars, then LOTR, now HP…..I'm strange….lol…..kidding I'm relatively normal if you get to know me……I have good friends and I work hard for stuff I want, I'm an honor roll student, I have overprotective parents….you know….stuff

* * *

Remus snuggled into his covers. Two beds over, James sat up in his bed, hugging his knees to his chest and surrounding himself with scarlet blankets. He looked sadly down at the coverlet. He wished he could be the coverlet. Coverlets have no problems. (_ew look! A stain from the time Sirius threw up on my sheets because he had had to much pumpkin pie at the feast. Nasty…._) Coverlets just sat there and looked pretty and did nothing.

He suddenly kicked the covers off. _I Know! I could make a list of ways to make Lillers like me! _

He rummaged through his drawers in search of a self-inking sugar quill and a bit of parchment. He sucked lightly on the end.

_Hmmmm…………._after much thought and deliberation, his list looked something like this:

**10 Ways to Get Lily Evans to Like James Potter**

**1. impress her**

**2. sit next to her in every subject in hope she will see what a great guy I am or get too annoyed at my asking her out all the time she'll say yes just to shut me up**

**3. don't play pranks (however unintended) on her or her friends**

**4. get her some chocolate!**

**5. brush my hair, tuck in my shirt, straighten my tie, and button my robes; so she won't say I look like a slob all the time**

**6. Befriend her!**

**7. tell good jokes! Hehe**

**8. don't curse people in front of her**

**9. don't shout or be loud**

**10. don't talk back to teachers and purposely get yourself in detention to prove a point**

_Okay James that's never going to work you know._

Remus Lupin was standing behind him and reading the list over his shoulder. He was wearing red checkered pajamas and a night cap with a bauble on top; he was possessively clutching a stuffed bear.

_Moony?_

_Yes Prongs?_

_Is that…..what I think I think that is?_

Remus blushed to the roots of his hair. _I got it for Christmas last year! _He hissed rather defensively.

Sitting in Remus prefect Lupin's arms was a bright pink carebear.

**(A/N: _Devillish angel: I hope you don't mind I made Remus' teddy bear a care bear. Hehe. Spur of the moment kinda thing ya know……_) **

It was one of those exercise fun! ones that encouraged you to exercise while throwing out catch phrases, which James was soon to learn. James shook his head. First Sirius slept with his rubber duckie, but Remus? James was shocked and slightly disturbed.

_Well……this is my plan for the day…..fulfill all these things and she's sure to like me! _

_

* * *

_

**1. Impress Her**

James strutted down the hall. Yes, strutted. Complete with complex hip spins, various head flips, throwing his shaggy hair out of his eyes, and waving to his admirers; all with style, of course.

Lily looked up from the book she was buried in (_How to Decimate Your Sworn Enemy_) and said smoothly "If I didn't know you were a notorious womanizer, I'd say you're really gay Potter" (A/N: I have nothing against that. My aunt is lesbian) and lowered her head once more so no one could see her wide smirk.

Not far away, a fluffy pink care bear said "I love you! Lets get up and dance!"

* * *

**2. Sit next to her in Every Subject in Hope She will See what a great guy I am or get too annoyed at my asking her out all the time she'll say yes just to shut me up**

**Transfiguration**:

"POTTER GET YOUR BIG FAT ARSE OFF MY LAP!"

…………._ahah! you like my arse!_

"_ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH………I HATE YOU POTTER! DIE!"_

**Potions:**

"POTTER! NO WHERE IN THE INSTRUCTIONS DOES IT SAY TO BLOW UP YOUR CAULDRON ALL OVER YOUR PARTNER DAMMITT!"

…………………_..At least you still look cute covered with green boils…………………_

.:evil glare sent James Potter's way:.

**Charms:**

"POT – hehe – TER – haha – GET – haha – THIS – hehe – CHEERING – haha – CHARM – haha – OFF – hehe - ME!

_NEVER! MWUAHAHAHAHAHA_

**Divination:**

_Hey Lillers?_

"Yes Potter?"

_Is that thing I see in the crystal ball a dog or a person?_

"I don't really care for Divination Potter. Don't ask me"

_Oh I see how it is! You Wanna Mess With This! OH OH OH OH!_

"I knew I shouldn't have given you that sugar quill you asked for……"

James only laughed like a maniac started tossing the crystal ball in the air

**Arithmancy:**

"POTTER! HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET INTO THIS CLASS?"

James scratched his head.

_You know Lillers……I really Don't know……_

**Care of Magical Creatures: **

"POTTER! KETTLEBURN SAID FEED THEM LETTUCE NOT CHOCOLATE FROGS!"

_Sorry Lillers….._

**History of Magic: **

"POTTER! WAKE UP! UNAPPRECIATIVE OF THE TROLL WARS!"

………_what? I was sleepy……._

**Library:**

"JAMES HAROLD POTTER! STOP BLOODY STALKING ME DAMMITT!"

……_..sorry Lils_

_

* * *

_

**3. Don't play pranks (however unintended) on her or her friends**

James was stealthily levitating a jug of orange juice over Severus Snape's head as he was walking out of the hall. He let go……at exactly the wrong moment.

A very wet and extremely agitated Lily stood dripping at the enormous doors to the Great Hall

……_oooppsss_

Remus' bookbag, faint but still heard by half the Gyffindor table: "Let's EXERCISE!"

* * *

**4. get her some chocolate!**

Lily Evans awoke the next morning with a huge Honeydukes chocolate bar at the foot of her bed.

She came traipsing into the Great Hall that morning

"THANKS BLACK!" she yelled at a befuddled Sirius who had no idea what she was talking about.

James banged his head repeatedly on the table in front of him.

(Let's get up and move!...STEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPP TO THE LEFT! STEEEEPPPPPPP TO THE RIGHT! Was heard once more from Remus' bookbag)

**

* * *

**

5. **brush my hair, tuck in my shirt, straighten my tie, and button my robes; so she won't say I look like a slob all the time**

James was doing his best to look good that morning.

A few minutes later…….

**PRONGS! YOU GIT YOU! YOU USED UP ALL MY HAIR GEL! **

...oh dear……

Sirius tackled James to the floor.

James sighed. "There goes my hair and my robes, and my tucked shirt. And OH DAMN SIRIUS…YOU RIPPED MY ROBE!

The ickle first years dived for cover as a furius James a slightly hyper Sirius wrecked havoc in the Common Room.

At last the ruckus was over. Remus Lupin jogged down the stairs. _…….What did I miss?_

**

* * *

**

**6. Befriend her!**

_Hey Lil?_

"What Potter?"

_Do ya wanna be friends?_

"go befriend someone else Potter. I'm tired….and besides…..I still have some chocolate left! Hehehehehe"

* * *

**7. tell good jokes! Hehe**

_hey Evans_

……………..

_What did the hippopotamus say to the turtle?_

……………… "What a completely ridiculous question"

_Wow you're a real SHELL SHOCKER!_

……………… "That was honestly the worst joke I have ever heard in my whole life"

**

* * *

8. don't curse people in front of her**

_STUPEFY!_

A red jet shot out of James' wand. Lily stomped angrily off.

James sighed. _So much for that one………._

**

* * *

9. don't shout or be loud**

_POTTER! SHUT UP!_

"Lillers! It wasn't me! It was Remus' care bear!

Lily looked at him funnily. _James? Are you okay?_

"I hate you Remus Lupin"

_For what Prongsie?_

"She thinks I'm a carebear loving freak-o!

…………………._oh

* * *

_

**­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­10. don't talk back to teachers and purposely get yourself in detention to prove a point**

"But professor! It wasn't me! 'Twas Snivellus! I did not one thing! NOTHING MAN!"

_Now now Mr. Potter there is no need to be hasty…_

"I'M NOT **HASTY**!"

McGonagal sighed. _Detention Mr. Potter. Friday night at eight in my office._

Sirius Black just had to add his two cents (pence- wherever you live) said: "oOo Minnie! James gets detention and I don't! That so unfair!"

_Be seated Mr. Black. And don't call me Minnie_

"Whatever you say Minnie!"

From the back of the classroom came a **Exercise is fun!** from Remus' teddybear once again.

James couldn't take it any more.

_REMUS! SIRIUS! SHUT THE BLOODY THING OFF! I WILL BOOTKICK IT TO SIBERIA!_

"………………..you're not wearing boots mate"

_ARRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

* * *

_

Took me so long to write this one.

Be cool! Review!

Love to all….oliversangel


	7. Of Foodfights and Choreographed Boogying

Disclaimer: Isn't this cool? Its almost like habit now: write a new chappie, first thing you type is the disclaimer! Ahem: I, Oliversangel, do own Harry James Potter or those characters that he associates with, encounters, makes out with (hehe just kidding…he's not even in this story-maybe I'll add him later) Fine then. I, Oliversangel, do not own James Harold Potter, Lillian Margaret Evans, Sirius Orion Black, Remus Jonathan Lupin, or Ablus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore (hehe that was fun!) I do, however, own this plot and so back off all y'all plot-stealers!

Dedication: all you faithful reviewers (especially those who commented on the cuteness of Remus' teddybear lol)

And of course to R:

Waking up screaming

Painting a picture

Of infinite nightmares

Because haunting my drams

Every waking moment

Every Sigh, every laugh

Is your face

Evasive

But there

Staring straight at me

Screaming

Words of advice

Do yourself a favor

Erase yourself

From my memory

Because if you give up on me

I have nothing left to give

Worthless

In the falling snow

**I hereby copyright the above poem, as I wrote it and it is mine and mine alone! .:insert evil laugh:. You know this feels good, venting my answer through poetry and then sharing it. Fine here goes: I HATE you for breaking my heart and not looking back. I'm srry I won't ever tell you this to your face. I loved you. Good bye.**

Okay! On with the story then old chaps!

* * *

It was dinner time at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Dinner soon appeared at plates all over the hall. An excited Sirius jumped up on the bench and yelled:

_**I LOVE EGGROLLS!**_

_Wow Siri that's, um, interesting……_replied a befuddled Remus Lupin.

Sirius then proceeded to do his Eggroll dance, which included nonsense singing in Chinese (no offence to Chinese ppl) and a few kung fu moves, were he proceeded to hit James in the nose.

_BLOODY HELL! Do NOT touch the nose MAN!_

_Sorry mate! Got a bit….carried away there….._

Remus snorted and turned back to his inner, Yorkshire pudding (I ADORE Yorkshire pudding) and mashed potatoes. Suddenly, a ruckus was heard in the air, a strange popping sound.

Lily Evans sat at her place, staring at what was once her shepherd's pie.

She stood up, face coated with chicken, broccoli, and flaky bits of crust. **_OKAY PEOPLE! FESS UP! WHO DID IT! WHO HAD THE BRIGHT IDEA OF EXPLODING A PERFECTLY TASTY SHEPHERDS PIE!_**

A small squeak came from the Marauders' end of Gryffindor table and Lily rounded on a shaking Sirius.

_Hi there Lily……_he squeaked and Remus snorted once more. _I mean…….Hello Miss. Evans……_ he said, in what he hoped was a deep, manly tone.

Sirius then became distracted by all the bits of Yorkshire pudding on Lily's poor face. _oOo YUMMY! _He said as he lunged for a stray bit of chicken on Lily's left cheek.

Lily wasn't too happy about this. _BLACK! DO NOT **EAT** MY **FACE**!_

……….._But its good………._Sirius defended himself with the defiance of a five year old who wants a snack, which at this moment happened to be attached to Lily's face.

Lily smirked dangerously. _Fine…..you want it so badly? Take this!_ She yelled and swiping a large handful of the sloppy mass adorning her face and chucked it at Sirius' head.

_O MY GOD LILY YOU RUINGING MY HAIR!_ Sirius shouted. His eyes became mere slits and he turned back to face her. _This means one thing……..WAR!_

He grabbed Amelia Bones' bowl of pea soup and held it threateningly over her head.

_You wouldn't………._

_O yes I woooooould!_

He dumped the bowl on her head and stood proudly and Lily stuttered through the green mass of goo.

_Ewww….thats disgusting. How could you eat that despicable mass of unknown…stuff Amelia! _She shook her head to clear it and looked wilding around for something to retaliate with.

_AHAH! _She said gleefully and swooped over to Remus' Yorkshire pudding.

_HEYYYYYYY _said Remus, _gimme my dinner back!_

But Lily was to busy aiming to listen.

_ARGHHHHHHH! _Sirius said, gravy now dripping down his front.

He grabbed a fistful at spaghetti and tossed it at Lily. Spaghetti never went very far, and when it did, it went in completely the wrong direction.

A rather annoyed Adrian Wood stood up.

_That is so NOT COOL! No one throws spaghetti at the quidditch captain! _And grabbed some mashed potatoes and started chucking them at Sirius. Too bad not all of the potatoes reached their intended mark.

Remus stood up angrily. _NO ONE throws mashed potatoes at my book! _And with that he heaved up the large bowl of punch on the middle of the table and sent it sloshing down Gryffindor table.

Soon, chaos reigned in the Great Hall.

James ducked as he started singing, mostly to reassure himself his head was still untarnished.

_**First I was afraid**_

_**I was petrified**_

James was singing loud now, and unfortunately, very off pitch.

_**Kept thinking I could never live**_

_**without you by my side**_

The song was getting catchy, Remus (who was a slightly better singer than James) joined in.

_**But I spent so many nights**_

_**thinking how you did me wrong**_

_**I grew strong**_

_**I learned how to carry on**_

Sirius started humming and twirling around while tossing a bowl of chocolate pudding at Thomas Bell.

_**and so you're back**_

_**from outer space**_

_**I just walked in to find you here**_

**_with that sad look upon your face _**

Lily was trying to resist the catchy melody, her hips jerking wilding as she tried to restrain them.

_**I should have changed my stupid lock**_

_**I should have made you leave your key**_

_**If I had known for just one second**_

_**you'd be back to bother me**_

Lily soon stopped resisting and joined in. (_you go girl!_)

_**Go on now go walk out the door**_

_**just turn around now**_

_**'cause you're not welcome anymore**_

_**weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye**_

James was neatly pirouetting while avoiding someone's bologna sandwich.

_**you think I'd crumble**_

_**you think I'd lay down and die**_

_**Oh no, not I**_

By this point, there was a loud intake of breath as the school prepared for the big refrain:

_**I will survive**_

_**as long as i know how to love**_

_**I know I will stay alive**_

_**I've got all my life to live**_

_**I've got all my love to give**_

_**and I'll survive**_

_**I will survive**_

James, who had decided he could not avoid being in the food fight much longer, decided to join in, hitting Lily with a lemon meringue pie.

_**It took all the strength I had**_

_**not to fall apart**_

_**kept trying hard to mend**_

_**the pieces of my broken heart**_

it was truly a strange once-in-a-lifetime sight, the whole school was boogying while covered from head to foot in a colorful array of what once was edible food.

_**and I spent oh so many nights**_

_**just feeling sorry for myself**_

_**I used to cry**_

At this point, boogie Dumbledore decided to make an entrance in a hot pink jumpsuit and a large amount of hair upon his head (_do you like it? It's my natural!_)

James snorted at this but kept on singing, swinging his hips while ducking every so often to avoid the wrath of Lily, who was flinging grapefruits at him while singing along.

_**Now I hold my head up high**_

_**and you see me**_

_**somebody new**_

_**I'm not that chained up little person**_

_**still in love with you**_

By this time the tables had been cleared to opposite ends of the room and the students formed a choreographed group, singing and dancing in seamless unison (with the exception of Sirius, who was all over the place, enthusiastically tripping everyone in sight) lead by the hot pink boogying Dumbledore.

_**and so you felt like dropping in**_

_**and just expect me to be free**_

_**now I'm saving all my loving**_

_**for someone who's loving me**_

The song ended abruptly and the students sat back down after having retrieved their house tables.

_Lets do that AGAIN! _said Sirius, licking some custard tart off his hand.

Dinner ended and the students departed, most of them to take showers to wash all the offending bits of various people's dinners off themselves.

James was the first up to the dorm. _HAHA! Got here before ya! I got dibs on the shower!_

……………_dang…………….

* * *

_

_Ten minutes later:_

James scrubbed good naturedly at his arm, which was coated with orange soufflé and tomato sauce, humming a vaguely familiar tune….

……………_I will survive…………..as long as I know as I know how to love I know I'll stay alive………….

* * *

_

What did you think! Truly inspired this chapter, truly inspired. So funny to write, I hope you laughed as much as I did!

Love, **Oliversangel**

p.s.: "I Will Survive" owned by Gloria Gaynor

so long folks! (wow I feel old saying that……hah…..I don't even have a license yet)


	8. Of Love Affairs and Rapid Spanish

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry potter, James Potter, Lily soon-to-be Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Severus Snape, Albus Dumbledore (haha-he boogies!), Minerva McGonagal, Amelia Bones, or any other characters mentioned in this (hopefully) amusing telling of the unsuccessful attempts at wooing Lily Evans (Potter)

Thanks to for the rapid Spanish translation. I am bad at Spanish. Thanks to Jules for the monkey and the Spanish. (Latin still rocks man!)

Dedication: thanks to all reviewers! Love you guys (or girls)

And of course: R:

I'm lost

Inside myself

Falling prey to

All that I left behind

Consuming me

Somehow, I

Don't want to be saved

Knowing that

I'm better off without you

And you were never

Good enough for me

.:I own above poem:.

* * *

_Remus! Oi Remus! _

James chucked an apple at Remus, who was slightly snoring, while sitting up propping a book on the jug of pumpkin juice in front of him; spooning small mouthfuls of scrambled eggs into his mouth.

Remus awake with a start, upsetting the jug of pumpkin juice.

_James! There goes my breakfast!_

It was quite true. What used to be Remus' breakfast was now floating in a river of pumkin juice. He looked sadly down at it before sighing.

_At times like this Prongs, I wish I brought Jenny to breakfast…._

_Remus! You got a girlfriend! Good for you mate! And I thought I was going to have to do it for you!_

Remus jumped up, quite alarmed. _Why the HELL would I DATE my CARE BEAR!_

Silence resounded about the Great Hall. Remus sat, quite embarrassed. James looked appalled.

_You're DATING your CARE BEAR!_

_**NOOOO, God NO Prongs!**_

Remus looked thoroughly embarrassed and James was unfazed. Sirius at this point had the courage to grace them with his presence. He was decked out in a sombrero, a tiny plastic guitar was slung over one shoulder, and a monkey was on the other.

_**Hola allí mis amigos. Esto es mi mono de animal favorito Diablo. El tiene los asuntos de la confianza. Tengo los asuntos de la confianza. Todos nosotros nos volveremos queso suizo. **_

There were several slack jaws adorned the Great Hall, James' in particular was disturbing, seeing as he was eating scrambled eggs when Sirius had traipsed in.

_Remmie?_

_Yup James?_

_What the hell did he just say?_

_He said "**Hello there my friends. This is my pet monkey Diablo. He has trust issues. I have trust issues. We are all going to turn into swiss cheese**"_

……………_How did you know that?_

He shrugged. _It's a gift!_

_**Diablo es mi vida. Soy ahora speakin en español rápido de confundirle. Hablo también español rápido para recordar Diablo de su tierra nativa. ¡El sushi mece!**_

James poked Remus in the side.

_Translation please and thank you Moony…_

**_Diablo is my life. I am now speaking in rapid spanish to confuse you. I am also speaking rapid spanish to remind Diablo of his native land. Sushi rocks!_**

Remus brushed a strand of hair of his face. _Am I cool or WHAT!_

Sirius strutted over to the table in his red sombrero. He sat. Poured a goblet of pumkin juice. Set it on the table. Diablo leaped down from his shoulder. And promptly stuck its head in the goblet.

Remus wrinkled his nose. _SICK!_

_**¡Diablo no está ENFERMO! El meramente goza jugo de calabaza como él hace en su tierra nativa.**_

Remus' side was poked. He sighed. _Fine James. I'll translate whatever he says for you. Just STOP poking ME! He said **'Diablo is NOT SICK! He is merely enjoying pumpkin juice as he would in his native land.'**_

James was somewhat disbelieving and gaped quite unflatteringly at Sirius, who was cooing to low rapid Spanish to his monkey Diablo.

_Man that's sick………._

Sirius was highly affronted. **_¡Yo no estoy enfermo¡Comprometo simplemente Diablo en un amorío rabioso de la admiración de España hermosa!_**

**_I am not sick! I am simply engaging Diablo in a rabid love affair of admiration of beautiful Spain..? _**Remus had translated without second thought, but "love affair" finally woke him up.

_Oh. My. God. Sirius is having a love affair with that disgusting thing that is currently devouring James' bacon?_

Sirius was once again, highly affronted, as James started indignantly at the fact that Diablo was devouring his bacon.

Remus was still trying to get his head around Sirius' quaint love affair with his adored monkey.

_Do you have a problem with that? _Challenged Sirius.

Before Remus had any chance at answering, Sirius hollered loud and proud. **_Diablo! ATTACKKK!_**

………..the thing went crazy. Lets just say Remus did not look so good when the dust had cleared.

Ahem.

Moving on.

Sirius smirked in Remus' general direction!

_**Never insult my preferences again!**_

James shuddered. He wouldn't mind if Sirius swung the. Ahem. Other Way… But the fact that he swung for. Ahem. Monkeys. Was slightly disturbing.

* * *

Transfiguration…..

_Mr. Black?_

_**¡Sí mi Minnie encantador! **(yes my lovely Minnie! _In case you haven't figured it out it prof. McGonagal hes speaking too)

………………………_why are you speaking Spanish? With the fakest accent I have ever heard may I add?_

_**¡El corazón golpea para usted estimado Minnie!**_

For once in her life, Professor Minerva McGonagal was completely baffled. But no matter! Albus had gotten her a **PocketGuide© to Idiotic Trying-To-Speak-Spanish Students!**

James sighed as Minerva flipped through the pages of the small red booklet she had fished out from one of her numerous pockets.

* * *

…………….Twenty Minutes Later…………

_AHAH! I got it! You said……AHEM: **Heart my for beats Minnie!...**hey! your heart is not going to beat me up! DETENTION MR. BLACK!_

Remus, who up till now had been silent (as he was nursing several bruises).

_Ahem. Prof. MG?_

_I am not 'Prof MG' thank-you-very-much!_

_Sorry Professor. But he said **"My heart beats for you dear Minnie!"**_

McGonagal blushed and giggled.

James was once again, highly disturbed. First Sirius swung for monkeys….now its for fifty-thousand year old transfiguration professors!

He groaned. This would be a long day.

* * *

Later at dinner…….

James looked around…..every single girl in the hall was holding a small red booklet, not unlike the one McGonagal was carrying in Transfiguration.

O. My. God. James shook his head. What girls would do for a boy's attention was really pathetic (cough not unlike what he does for Lily cough).

He grabbed one from a startled third year not far away, who was annoyed when said booklet was first grabbed, but fluttered her eyelashes at him when she saw who is was.

He read the title, then glanced at the others. They were all the same. **'PocketGuide© to Understanding that Idiot Who Is Babbling Rapid Spanish to His Monkey'**

Lily however was holding one that was quite different: **'How to Get Rid of That Complete Blubbering Idiot That Asks You Out Every Couple of Seconds'**

_Hey Lily!_

_What now James……._

_Will you go out with me?_

_**NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

* * *

**_

Author Note: sorry this took so damn long. I was completely uninspired with midterms and stupid freaking Valentines Day and all. Thanks for hangin in there. I know it isn't that good

Love oliversangel


	9. UPDATE

kay guys…here's the deal.

So much has been happening so I'm sorry I haven't updated. I'm thinking about whether I should finish this story or not.

If you really want me too, leave me what you think in a review and maybe if I'm inspired I'll have a chapter up within a week.

ps: I'm in love. And I couldn't be happier.


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